My mother told me recently I was becoming obsessed with Autism, and not seeing my daughter as a whole…which would be to her detriment over time.
That statement startled me for a while, and then I thought about it from an outsider’s perspective. I know that I am the kind of person who deals better with things when I know more about them, so I guess to say that I am Autism obsessed since my daughter’s diagnosis in Nov/Dec 2011 is probably accurate on 1 level, because I am trying very hard to understand more about this newly identified part of her. I am doing this so that I can be more supportive, help her understand herself, find therapies and ways of teaching her the skills she will need to cope with “life in an NT world”, and also so that I can cope with the ups & downs that not only impact her, but impact me as well.
One new friend recently told me that she thought I was quite a serious person – this too surprised me, but again I thought about it & realised “she’s only met me since my dd was diagnosed, and most of the time I talk to her about how Autism affects our children/families lives… so again it was another alert that I’m possibly too Autism obsessed. I am meeting lots of new people recently in the Autism community, and we do discuss our children alot and the ways we can see Autism is part of them, because I feel like I’m finally amongst people who understand this part of my daughter, and I have soooo many questions to find out how they help their children/cope themselves, etc.
(& now I’ve started this blog! hehe!)
But to say that I don’t see my daughter in any other way apart from as a child with Autism is incorrect. I have known and loved her since the moment I knew I was pregnant, and until 6mths ago I didn’t know anything about Autism, but I knew my daughter! But to ignore that Autism is part of who she is, is not only ridiculous (because ignoring it won’t change it), it’s mean & quite hurtful. Her having Autistic characteristics makes her who she is, and I wouldn’t have her any other way. Without it she probably wouldn’t have such a huge love and interest (ok, obsession) in animals, without it she wouldn’t have her amazing energy levels that make marathon runners cry, she wouln’t be as honest as she is (sometimes brutally!), and she wouldn’t see the world or people the way she does – which I actually find very refreshing & interesting to hear how she perceives things. Autism does NOT define who she is – it is just a label to explain to others that she thinks differently to many of us, and has some behaviours and personality traits that they may need to understand or think differently about.
Knowing she has Autism helps me understand more of the “good, the bad & the ugly”… the meltdowns, and other behaviours that before just mystified and frustrated me because I didn’t know what to do to support her through what was obviously very painful and troubling to her. I would have never understood about her sensory issues, so by learning her “triggers” and the things that overstimulate her. Now I can either avoid those situations, or help her prepare for them to either desensitize her, or teach her strategies to learn to cope…… AND (here’s the big one) I would have kept using parenting methods/discipline etc that will never work on her, feeling like the people who said it was my fault, that she was just undisciplined/bully/difficult etc were right – even though I knew in my heart they weren’t. Knowing about how her Autism affects her individually will also help me educate/work with her teachers, our friends & family about what she needs support in, and develop strategies and goals suited to her strengths as well as how to cope with/develop her in areas she needs to build up experience/skills/resilience to.
I want to be my daughter’s #1 advocate, and to do that I need to understand her strengths, limitations, and the way she thinks/reacts, etc. One of the good things about her having a diagnosis of Autism now is that there are actually lots of interesting books, blogs, websites written about it and I am also part of an amazing community that is helping me to understand her better. Also – because she was diagnosed at 4yrs old, there are many things I can do as part of “early intervention programs” to help her. Not all of the “signs” fit her, just as not all size 10 clothes fit me… we are all made slightly differently, and that’s what makes us all unique and interesting!
So here’s to the uniqueness that is my daughter… she is many things – female, a brunette, my daughter, a cousin/niece/grand-daughter, an animal lover, tall, wears glasses, is energetic, curious, intelligent & oh yeah – she has Autism…
mybellamia 